Friday, November 19, 2010

8 AN UNSENT LETTER



My yummiest dabba food,


Hi !! how r u? hope this  letter will find u with ur smile. Still waiting for ur mail but seems the waiting is never going to see an end. So thought lemme write to u instead. but as usual again in loss of words, don’t know from where to start and where to finish. though it is been already started beautifully with a promise to be stronger with each moment and finished with a ugly truth in half way. I know nothing is going to change with this letter but still wanna write and vent out the pains.


Started with a virtual note I have never expected that something like this will ever happen but it happened that to was so beautiful that it has become the "most beautiful thing" ever happened to me. u know before starting this letter was checking the mail box. it was 18th ...so it’s been 10 days..only 10 days !!  Then don't understand why the hell it feels like as if ages we had that fighting. It has been my daily activity after logging in  to click on your profile just to see you though that was not your photo on the display. Reading the about me.. the beautiful poem written by you has turned so automatic these days.

You know, the main problem in our relationship was we met and married so hurriedly that we hardly gave the required time to understand each other. I still remember the moment when I purposed u on phone merely within a week I met with u. What to do, just didn't want to loose u. I thought love will settle everything in track but was wrong perhaps time is crucial for relationship and everything too. But turning all the truth into myth our relationship grew strong with every passing day. I am sure u wouldn't have forgotten how everyone around us was noticing us and talking about us. perhaps what they say... "buri nazar"  does exist in this scientific world.

we were far but always felt each other so close that even real together couple would have been jealous enough. I guess the bad patch started once I switched my job, where I couldn't give u much time and u also took new assignments for you, Yes I do agree that I felt a bit insecure when i didn't get u much and u were busy in your new assignments. I still remember how we fought harshly on this time spending topic and how you excused me each time when I realized my mistake and apologized. But how couldn't u understand that the complex or whatever was happening was out of my love. You know whenever I remember the last fight for which you decided to move on it just leaves me numb. I was just trying to make you realize how it feels when give other assignments priority over your relationships ... was really in a angry mood and I made that blunder of commenting on u where I should have with you. Ohh !! see again u r making me cry with that memory of that incident...

Hey ! see what I have got in my inbox. u remember this was when we fought for the first time and left without talking, you wrote this testimonial on my orkut,

"Now that u r not here...so cant say when it will be published. Hence decided to write this testimonial, knowing that perhaps it will never be published...Dont know from where to start, but our relationship began on a soft tone..where i fell in the way u expressed urself. I perhaps personified someone who wasnt there... but somewhere the feelings were truly mine.Rest next time......."

but the "rest" and "next time"  never came.  But it is true somewhere  perhaps I wasn't never there...

Have written a couple of so called love poems with a lot of editing to make u feel special. here comes my last poem for you. Writing it without any rhythmic stanza and editing.. read it as something blurt out of my heart,

  
Away you are, but still holding you within me,
as the soul inside my body, deep and unseen,

living with those smiles you gave me last,
but still looking for the tact to deal with the pain that follows fast,

The coffee shop, that walk in rain and the back seat of the car,
Which were romantic yesterday are hurting much more than a scar.

How beautiful was the biting of your finger when u come to cam, 
The naughty kiss to the cam window and saying "you are too hot oh, damn !"


How shall I forget the "innocent blush" when I call u "my dabba food"
I wish I could get a last chance to see that "half smile" when I make ur mood.

Haunted by those good morning sms, the evening call,
Lost the sleep of  night, even my days have turned hell,

The love bites, the writing of your name on my bare back and the sexy pat on my back pocket,
Never can  I forget the scratch u made on my chest, has gone deep across my heart.

Every morning I wake up and ask the mirror "where went the things wrong ?"
Did i do such a mistake that u left me making my heart unusable for long?

No answer comes only I see two eyes with full of tear
but not allowing even a droplet to come out, they say me "let's go, don't look rear"

I wish I could turn the wheel of time and push the reset button,
I wish I could say u that relationships are not complicated if u decide to stick on.


Don't know if this is the end of this letter or will add some more lines to it, will send it today or never send it, but at least am feeling light after venting the feelings out. And if moving on is so easy then I am better being single. I am really glad that I have got some beautiful feelings with me for my life... though it is painful but am enjoying it.

With loads of love,

Your & only your's

Sam










P.S. Adapted from close someone's life but don't know where he is now. A dedication to his story with my words.


8 comments:

monalisa said...

Am crying...... U r d best husband n best lover in d world.....Really this story is heart touching...I love it... only for u.

Pranab said...

oh ! Thanx.. :-) .. thanx a lot for dropping ur comments. I thought it is my worst ever creation.

Bindhya said...

Toooooooooooooo good,u r d best lover in d universe

Pranab said...

Thanx :-) it's just a boost to me for writing more..

Sensuous said...

Too many compliments, but i think ur lover was always a bit insecure, thts y he lost his love, and there is nothing called "buri Nazar", its all in the heart, and i think he never stood by his love when she needed him the most.. and tht actually is a test.. where he failed miserably....

Pranab said...

oh ! thanks for dropping by and analyzing deep.
:-)

Malabika Mahajan said...

Right now when i see it, or as i go thru it, it brings a smile on my face, recalling sometimes is bliss.

Pranabananda Jena said...

Yes it is indeed !& I am glad that my rambling could make you smile. :-)

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